1. |
The Passage
03:26
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She went on ahead of me.
‘How terrible it is to love
something that death can touch.’
Down in the dell the
crickets still scream
and the air still hums with heat.
Her perfume sits open
on her dresser
and on her pillow
a strand of hair.
I wish my world would end,
for what am I without her?
Oh God, take my life tonight!
What use have you for an old man
who has buried
all his friends and now his wife?
And I’m battling to do as David sang:
"But I trust in you, O Lord;
I say, ‘You are my God’.
My times are in your hands."
If my times are in your hands,
then grant me mercy,
bring me peace.
Lacrimosa.
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2. |
The Constant
04:43
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They were so old it seemed that death
had simply come too late
and seeing them had turned and left
and decided to stay away;
that sawdust would always fill the air
as my grandfather lathed and planed,
his workshop alive to my child’s eyes,
where anything could be made.
The world just made more sense to me
back when they were alive,
that whatever life threw at me,
some things remained unchanged.
But in just six months they slipped away somewhere we can’t follow yet. Gone on ahead to their reward,
their memory all that’s left.
When I think the dell is empty
and the orchard’s fruit unpicked,
that the pantry’s bare, the oven is cold
and the workshop door is locked,
that the bike I learned to ride is rusting in a shed,
it’s hard to reconcile the fact
that my childhood is dead.
Sad as I am that he’s gone,
I’m glad for him in truth.
Those longs nights alone,
so sick with grief,
crying out for mercy:
“Take my life.”
He’s the father that I wish I’d had,
he’s the one I wish I could call ‘Dad’.
And I only hope I can be the man
he’d hope for me to be.
I haven’t been back to their home
since the day I carried his coffin.
The crickets are still screaming,
but there are none of us left to hear them.
There are none of us left.
No, there are none of us left.
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3. |
The Tempest
03:01
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From his first day to his last
he knew far too much of death,
from his father’s failing heart
to two wives’ final breaths.
All the life that he saw
lost in that Axis camp in Italy
and through his old age watching friends
congregating in the cemetery.
I remember watching as he lay dying,
all shrivelled and small and grey.
Fearful of the death I saw in him
even though he wasn’t afraid.
Because it made me think about the future,
about how we try to forget that
an endpoint is rushing towards us all
even though we think we’ll never be next.
But it’s not being dead or what comes next
that fills me so with fear
(for knowing what awaits me is
the one truth that I hold dear).
Oh God, if you take my wife
then please take my life,
don’t leave me here alone.
But please don’t let us die too young,
don’t let us die too old.
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4. |
The Beginning
02:54
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I’m sad I couldn’t be there when they laid you to rest
next to the wife you loved with such fierce devotion.
But I’m reminded
that those ashes aren’t you,
just the dust that comes from leaving.
And despite the pretty churchyard,
this is not the rest you went to.
I’m glad that while you were here I wrote you letters
and thanked you for being the father mine couldn’t be.
Neither of us could do it in person,
uncomfortable as we were with talking about the divorce.
But I’m rebuked by all this dwelling on your death,
and I remember instead those moments that bring you back:
Swirling dust motes in your workshop
while the crickets screamed,
sneaking jam drops,
counting the fish in the pond but losing track.
When I am but dust, we will have our reunion.
When we are all but dust,
we will have our reunion.
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5. |
The Pearl
03:10
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He was so very old
and I am yet not far behind.
We are but here a season,
each just a fleeting wisp of life.
And I think about my wife,
of growing old with her
and knowing one of us will die
and one will be alone.
I’ve seen it with my grandparents.
It’s a pain I fear so strong.
It’s a terrible thing to die too old,
it’s a terrible thing to die too young.
Until we meet again I’ll live with eyes above.
And it’s a terrible thing to die too old,
it’s a terrible thing to die too young.
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Provider Durban, South Africa
We are a screamo influenced hardcore band from Durban, South Africa.
Drawing from a vast array of influences, we play music that is is heavy on melody and driven by strong lyrical concepts.
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